so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
There's even glitter on my cock...
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