I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
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