Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
