at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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