I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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