We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
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