wanna go halves on a baby?
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
