And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
