I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize