His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize