I accidentally had phone sex last night
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Randomize
