you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Congratulations! We have a period
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
