I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize