This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Oh god it's open bar.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
