Have you finally orgasmed yet?
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
