if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
