I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just gift wrapped bread.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
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