I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
