Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
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