I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
