i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
