I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think my moral compass just broke
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
