I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize