piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
