He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
