How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
