i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I smell like Dick and happiness
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
