My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
