the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
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