Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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