and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Randomize
