She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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