I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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