ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
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