i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
