Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
