I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
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