There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I lost the right to judge tonight
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
