It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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