So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Randomize
