bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
