He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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