I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Randomize
