if i can run in heels then i can drive
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
