Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I just want nice things and good sex
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
