I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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