If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
