oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
