I'm gonna have a badass scar
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
