3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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