Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Randomize
