I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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