The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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