Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
