you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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