Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
