my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
