sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
