First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
He toold me that when we were younger I was his boner buddy.
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
