ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
