3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
