You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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