i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
Randomize
