Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
