my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
