am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Randomize
