you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
