You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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