Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
