At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
