Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
