theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Randomize
